Over the years I’ve had a sexual “to-do” list. It’s gotten more adventurous as I’ve gotten older and recently, I’ve been drawing mental lines through items on that list.  It would be an understatement to say that this has been one hell of a semester. But this list item got scratched off by accident…

Scheduling had become an issue. We were supposed to meet the week before, but a trip he was going on got in the way, so we bumped it up to the night that he returned.  But when I called him at two like I was supposed to, when I was all liquored up and ready for fun, he didn’t answer. Eh. I woke up the next morning to him calling me at 11:15.  He apologized for not answering the phone, he had passed out for fifteen hours and just now woken up.  I didn’t mind much and told him to come over in thirty minutes, so I would have time to smear the hangover off my face and smell a little less like a ash tray.

I sat around in boy shorts like I know he likes and played John Mayer, waiting for him to come over.  I had unlocked the door and told him just to come in and find me and that’s exactly what he did five minutes after 12.  I was having a particularly skinny day, so I was ready to get naked.  But I thought I’d ask him all about his trip first.  To which he revealed that he hadn’t gotten to take care of business for over a week.  Mmm.

I had repeatedly told him in text messages over that past week that I wanted to get thrown against the wall, so we sat on my bed scanning for which wall would be the best for a throw down.  I unfortunately do not have a wall suitable for throwage.  In dismay, I looked to my entertainment center and suggested he just went down on me while I sat on top of it.  That would require moving my heavy TV though.  Hmm.  “How ’bout my computer desk? You can even sit in my computer chair.”   It was settled.

I climbed on top, pushed all the flowers I’ve made for my hair out of the way and leaned back.  He rolled the chair over and found his position and rhythm.  But this isn’t what happened by accident.  He worked his magic and I smashed a few things on my desk and then hopped off, pushed him back and tore off his pristine, white basketball shorts.

Kneeling is my absolute favorite way to take on a machete. While it’s such a dominating position, it’s one of complete control–physically and mentally. There’s so much leveraged to be offered in that position.  It’s the perfect angle to look up and stare at them halfway through.  It’s great for deep throating and even better for swallowing. Because hello, I don’t understand you girls that spit. It’s already in there, just swallow for goodness sakes.  I’m writing about swallowing on Easter, I’m going to hell.

Anyway, so this is where I was that mid March day–just working my magic.  And like I said before, the trick is to watch the abs. I always know. The abs never lie, so as soon as they started making their “close” dance, I mentally began preparing myself.  Then came his shoulder tap.  I know, dude–you don’t have to tell me.  Every time it’s always the same, wait for the abs, give it 30 seconds more, then get ready, then put in about 10 seconds and everything is golden.  But this time it was going to be different, because of that week long trip.  I wasn’t even prepared for this.

I went to back up when I thought I was done, but I wasn’t even close.  Instead it came at me like a waterfall–got all over my face, my hands, my wife beater and even on to my stomach.  We both just stared at each other, wide-eyed, while I got covered in millions of little fishies.  Then I barreled over laughing, while I just laid there all sticky.  He ran to get my a towel and I tried to wipe it out of my eye.

After I felt like I had sufficiently cleaned off all of his children, I jumped back on the bed and we sat around talking, waiting for round two.  He put on a basketball game and I went and got us Cheerios and orange juice. Then I made him fix my toilet.  He always was good with a ballcock.

What was on that list?

A facial and I got one inadvertently.  I don’t think I need an intentional one now.

This moment was brought to you by Baseball Player. And for all you readers out there, I know you’re there, I see it on my stats…please help me with this decision.  I don’t care if you’ve never commented before. If you’ve read through a few posts here before, then your opinion matters. I’m debating on whether or not to tell Baseball Player about this blog once we graduate.  Do you think it would just piss him off?  Do you think he’d think it was funny? Opinions…opinions!!  Bad idea or not?