Dear Gym,

I’ve miss you, baby.  Where have you been?  What do you mean, where have I been?  I’ve been here all along, waiting for you.  You were always busy, doing this and doing that.  You strung me along, telling me that one day you’ll have time to give me a sweat, but you my dear, have been gone for a month! Because of this, I had to gorge on donuts and cookies to cope with your absence.  Whatever, this is totally all your fault.  I wouldn’t eat those things without your terrible negligence.  I mean, hello, if you were around a little more often, even if I ate the donuts, it wouldn’t be a big deal.  Now, well now, look what I have to deal with.  I’ve formed a donut of my own.  Thanks a lot, asshole.  All I want is just five days a week and an hour or two a day, that’s it.  I’m not asking much.  It’s not like you’ve been doing anything else.  Oh really, like what?  You went to Mexico?  Right.  Did you at least bring me any tequila? No? Ohh… I see, I don’t need any tequila. Why? It is not that fattening.  I resent that.  You know what, I’m gonna take my fat ass and find a gym that loves me and will stick by my side, fat ass or not.  And he’ll really know how to work me.  Your shit was weak anyway.  That was a marathon, huh?  I faked it every time.

Ciao, bitch.